I woke up to the following quote this morning: ” Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.” I have no idea whos quote this is but I needed it.
I have been trying to get a hold of a person of significance to me. We are not in very close touch, less than a hand full of times a year, which is perfectly fine because we have that type of relationship. The awareness of the other being there is mutually present. That’s what matters to us. The last time we spoke we were talking about visits… Forward 5 months and I haven’t had any responses to my reach outs…I started getting worried to the point I was thinking frequently ‘what if something happened?’ I reached out to the family – no response. (Honestly, if something would have happened somebody would have probably brought it to my attention- or so I would think?!)
Back to this morning: I knew in my gut I was supposed to read it and, likewise suddenly knew in my gut, that everything was ok. Doing what I could I was able to drop the entire topic. It was blown out of my mind. Reaching for my book, reading a little, also confirmed and put much more emphasis on the entire quote, while they had nothing to do with each other.
Not everything is supposed to make sense, though. Not everything needs to have some sort of reason. Not everything needs to be understood. Not everything needs to have as much thought. Not everything needs to be contemplated. Not everything needs this much attention. To the extent we drive ourselves crazy over not knowing. To the extent of wondering what we did wrong. To the extent of questioning the why. Eventually, it will be understood.
Yesterday, picking up the big kid from work he seemed quite bummed. Relationships. Some good, some not so much. (It is in deed a fact, my horoscope has been pointing out that many of my feelings and conversations will deal around relationships -for the last week) He hasn’t been ready to open up about it, but said something down the line of “I have some solid people in my life that are here to stay”. I get it. Totally, especially my 17 year old me. Within that instance I said to him with awareness of how true the sentence rings, to being totally baffled of how I just navigated myself into a direction of dropping my ‘why in the world am I not hearing back from this person’: “If there is one thing certain in life, kid, the people in it sourrounding you, they will change. They will change with each episode you experience. They will change with each chapter. It doesn’t mean they will entirely vanish but life holds more unexpectedness you will ever be able to imagine. In my teens, I was certain I had some solid friends that would stay forever. In my twenties, I was certain I had some solid friends that would stay forever, and in my thirties as well. Fact is, they didn’t all disappear, yes, some of them I check in with every now and then to say Hi. But, the conversations aren’t what they used to be. It isn’t as solid as I thought it would be while living that chapter. And really, that is ok. Life changes. In an instance it can be the total opposite from what it was. You may have not anticipated it but things happen. Change is inevitable – for a reason. And that, sweet child, doesn’t only apply to you. It applies to everyone. Just because nothing significant happened to you in this present time, maybe it did to the solid friend you seemingly have currently. We don’t necessarily understand these things until much later, they suddenly start making sense. Some people aren’t here to stay. Some people are. Some people may unintentionally leave due to life altering circumstances and show back up 20 years later and you will continue the friendship like nothing happened. This too happens. Life is crazy but in the end it makes sense. What is important now, while yes, you want to take care of your people and never loose them- you never should forget to take care of yourself first.” And that is not being said in an ignorant way. It is more need.
Never should we depend on others being there. Never should we depend on others for helping us out of a shitty situation. We must care for ourselves. We must create a solid path for us. Have a vision. Have a goal and work towards it. Life always changes. Not just for us as individual but also for others, the seemingly solid people, as individuals. We must create our path first and foremost and everybody showing up, appearing within this thing called life, is here to teach us something. Not necessarily something involving them, not necessarily something negative or positive…but we will learn something from every. single. person. we meet in life, that is if we don’t put a boundary on the relationship through certain imaginations and/ or expectations.
So… Don’t force it. Don’t be a pushover. Don’t kiss ass. Stand your ground. Care for yourself first, but then also others. Be a decent human being. Basically my favorite mantra: Be kind! Do good! Take no sh!t… Who is meant to be here will be here or leave for a while and return. Who isn’t meant to be here will leave due to, well, life just happening as it is supposed to…to be understood later. The only consistent thing is that there is a thing called life, and every individual has their own to create…So whatever the reason is for my friend not getting back to me, I am for certain there is a reason.